The Slow Work of Friendship

I’ve been on a wellness journey for years now—from the wild, unsustainable pace of my 20s, to the crash of my early 30s, and now the slow, intentional rebuild of my mid-to-late 30s.

Call it a mid-life awakening, but something shifts in your 30s. You see your own mortality more clearly. You realize the choices you’ve made—about health, relationships, and time—are shaping your happiness.

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While I’ve worked on many areas of life, one of the hardest (and most important) has been friendships.

The Guilt of Old Friends

I’m lucky. I still have two friends I’ve known since I was three (Becky and Justina) and one from college. These friendships are rare treasures—people who’ve seen every version of me.

And yet… I don’t nurture them the way I should.

I’ll read a message and mean to reply, but emails, texts, and LinkedIn requests can sit unanswered for weeks—or months. The longer I wait, the heavier the guilt gets, and the harder it becomes to reach out.

The thing is, I know it only takes 30 seconds to send a quick “thinking of you.” I just… don’t.

Starting Over in Charlotte

When we moved to Charlotte, I was ready to make new friends. I volunteered with Hands On Charlotte (sadly now disbanded). I joined a neighborhood book club in February 2020. I chatted with neighbors. I was trying.

And then the pandemic hit.

Everything stalled for years, and I had to start from scratch. Slowly, I’ve been rebuilding—finding a friend down the street who trades baked goods and joins me for early morning walks, connecting with “play date friends” through my son, and looking into new volunteer opportunities.

I’ve even started reaching out to old contacts online to see if we can reconnect.

Friendship Takes Work

Rebuilding a social life is slow, methodical work. For me, it means making the effort every week—often being the one to reach out first.

Sometimes I take it personally when local friends don’t initiate, but then I remember I’ve done the same thing to people I care about.

I’m not where I want to be yet, but it’s getting easier. As an only child raising an only child, I know how important these connections are. And yes—part of this is about avoiding loneliness later in life.

But more than that, I believe small, steady connections are one of the keys to long-term happiness.

Why Friendship Is a Health Investment

It’s not just about feeling connected—friendship is good for your physical and mental health. Research shows that strong social bonds can lower stress, improve heart health, and even increase life expectancy. The American Psychological Association has an excellent deep dive on the science of friendship if you want to explore how and why these connections matter so much.